I go through phases of energy. I don’t notice the transition when it happens, but I do notice when it’s been different for a long time.

For example, during quiet time (daycare), for a while I was plopping myself on the couch and zoning on the TV for about an hour…just simply relaxing and shutting off my brain. Renergizing for the afternoon.  I needed that down time.  And I didn’t feel guilty doing that.  Not one bit.  It was time earned!

I don’t know when the last time was.  Must have been before school got out!  Now I spend my quiet times being uber-productive and I cannot imagine just sitting on the couch for an hour…doing nothing.

I think part of it is because Brooke is no longer napping.  I don’t have 2 hours of uninterrupted time.  I can’t ignore her (and the boy here her age who also doesn’t nap), so sitting on the couch and watching TV is no longer a ‘quiet time’ option for me.  

Quiet time is actually a lot of work around here because it’s a fine balance. The little one’s will sleep for about 2 hours solid if the room conditions are right.  Which means proper temperature, proper lighting, and the right amount of white noise and music.  If the bigger kids are making too much noise in the other room, however, the balance is upset and everything unravels.  So my “quiet time” is a balance now of me keeping the bigger kids entertained with something other than the TV or a movie….and me “taking a break” by being productive with household chores or phone calls or other odd things that need to be done at some point during the day.

Today’s quiet time: first I stewed tomatoes, then I peeled peaches and made a peach cobbler.  Then I made some ‘cowboy cookies’.  I also made some ghee.  I loaded the dishwasher and washed my baking dishes.  I tried on some clothes I bought online to see what needed to be returned.  I finished entering my meal counts for the daycare so I could upload that report to the USDA.  I worked on my grocery list (which I accidentally tossed last night – so trying to remember what is on it).  I kept the kids busy with a couple puzzles and they watched me bake.  And all that was done in under TWO HOURS!

How’s that for a relaxing quiet time?

I’m tired.  I WANT to sit on the couch.  It’s Friday night, it’s 7:30pm.  Jim is out with his Dad.  The kids are settling down for bed since we have an early morning tomorrow.  I would love nothing more than to put in a chick flick and get lost in a movie…sitting on the sofa with a cozy blanket and wearing my sweatpants.   I deserve it. 

But I just can’t do it!  I feel guilty?  Is that the right word?  I don’t feel like I have the time. There’s ironing that’s been hanging for probably 6 months now. The bathrooms need to be scrubbed down again. I should start laundry. I should enter receipts. I should go through my pictures for my scrapbook workshop on Sunday and figure out if I have everything I need. Actually, I should be tagging and organizing my thousands of digital photographs, too. I need to sweep and mop. My windows need washing. I should probably pack lunches for tomorrow.  I need to enter the field address into the Garmin.  I should check weather.com. 

I just can’t relax because I feel like there’s so much to do….sure it will all wait.  But I also know that “I” will be the person that has to do it, so why put it off?

I think I have a problem. My form of relaxation is apparently sitting on the computer griping about how I can’t relax! OK, I’m forcing myself to sit down and watch a movie. Wish me luck!

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Update:  I DID actually sit down around 8:30 and watch a movie:  Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.  It was all right, not the best movie but I didn’t feel like it was a waste of time, either.